tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19618453589980927142024-03-12T22:32:03.804-06:00From Ashes to a Temple"The Lord can take something that's been burned to the ground and transform it into a temple."Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-3711599858345263072015-06-28T20:09:00.001-06:002015-06-28T20:09:47.808-06:00A Gamer or a Husband?This article touched me deeply, because this was me until March 2012. Fortunately, I didn't lose my wife or kids over my gaming addiction. It's a very real danger in today's world!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://songsix3.org/gamer-or-husband/">http://songsix3.org/gamer-or-husband/</a><br />
<br />
As hard as real life can be, it's ultimately a far better place to live than any virtual reality.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-47824266358335282172014-08-08T20:57:00.000-06:002014-08-08T20:57:50.690-06:00Life is GoodLife is good.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-83979487655171736192014-05-17T15:14:00.000-06:002014-05-17T15:14:29.192-06:00The Marriage TriangleNow for the second half of what I have been working on. In addition to rebuilding the emotional relationship with my wife, I am also rebuilding the spiritual relationship with the Lord. Of the two relationships, the one with the Lord is the more important of the two. And it also helps the relationship with the wife.<br />
<br />
I've found it helpful to think of the marriage relationship as a triangle. The Lord is at the top corner of the triangle, and me and my wife are at the two bottom corners.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXkj2fyIBydUKra4U2GZDgwLovOcECn-zegMfrgXmDltH3Kx9-F51UTkE36WdxkMFPCXqhPN6emTw5jfmRi1oaGkRJUmXNyewWgrH9yibSnCV34trUf3_JkB3vmG3RD_pXo7bWCzdnpR8/s1600/God+triangle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXkj2fyIBydUKra4U2GZDgwLovOcECn-zegMfrgXmDltH3Kx9-F51UTkE36WdxkMFPCXqhPN6emTw5jfmRi1oaGkRJUmXNyewWgrH9yibSnCV34trUf3_JkB3vmG3RD_pXo7bWCzdnpR8/s1600/God+triangle.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
As my wife and I draw closer to the Lord, we also naturally draw closer to each other. This is when things are working the best. Emotional and spiritual needs are both being met from the proper sources. The primary source is the Lord, but our spouse is also able to give and receive much from us.<br />
<br />
Alas, much of my relationship has been an obtuse triangle rather than an equilateral one (no wisecracks are needed about who is the obtuse one. I already know). An obtuse triangle is ot a very good relationship triangle, is it? But in order to get closer to my wife, I can't just heal my relationship with her: I also need to heal my relationship with the Lord. In fact, this healing needs to come first. Trust me, I know. I've tried to do it the other way for enough years, that I can testify that it doesn't work. As I draw closer to the Lord, I will also naturally draw closer to my wife.<br />
<br />
It reminds me of what President Ezra Taft Benson said: "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." Nowhere else is this more true than in our relationship with our spouse. As we have a better relationship with the Lord, so will we have a better relationship with our beloved.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-49101038978012958092014-05-05T21:08:00.004-06:002014-05-17T15:14:44.359-06:00Emotional Healing Comes First<b>Note</b>: I created the original draft of this post in January 2013, but never got around to actually posting it. I am posting it unchanged, as the things it says are just as relevant and true today as they were 16 months ago.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUrpTVzdyGBub0stZeoJWrT1QVYQB8diS1pxSgJsCPqjjWnXSkOzVGlb52aQQ5IXO-2ourGgbp_0Ul7pqdIosQ4-SAYhjiuPdh5QA01uaNQs3et8Hy4pudQ6FCOrQ-tZ-WOYWvQRGnR7c/s1600/CartBeforeHorse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUrpTVzdyGBub0stZeoJWrT1QVYQB8diS1pxSgJsCPqjjWnXSkOzVGlb52aQQ5IXO-2ourGgbp_0Ul7pqdIosQ4-SAYhjiuPdh5QA01uaNQs3et8Hy4pudQ6FCOrQ-tZ-WOYWvQRGnR7c/s1600/CartBeforeHorse.jpg" height="270" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
When I started this blog, I promised that I would share some of my personal story of healing through the Lord. And yet, I have noticed that most of my posts have been at a higher level. In an attempt to follow through on what I promised, I'm going to start sharing some of my personal healing.<br />
<br />
I've pondered many ways in which I could rebuild things in my marriage with my wife. I've tried various things, most of which haven't worked very well, or haven't lasted for very long.<br />
<br />
I recently realized that I've been putting too much focus on what I eventually want from my relationship with my wife. I haven't put enough energy into the relationship itself. A classic case of putting the cart before the horse. Because if the relationship itself is strong, then the things that I desire from the relationship will follow naturally. But the reverse is not true. And if I focus too much on what I want from the relationship, my wife will pick up on that, and it will actually set healing back. It makes it feel like my efforts to improve things are coming with strings attached, and nobody wants that.<br />
<br />
After fasting, I felt that I needed to focus exclusively on building the emotional relationship with my wife, without any regard for the physical relationship. And by physical, I don't mean just sexual. I mean other things, such as hugs, kisses, cuddling, the whole nine yards. In fact, there is just one spot where I know it is "safe" to touch my wife right now: her hand.<br />
<br />
If this sounds like I am starting over in my relationship, you would be right. In many ways, it is like starting over again. Is this difficult? You bet. But it beats doing the same thing that I've been trying for the past ten years, and receiving the same results that I have been for the past ten years.<br />
<br />
And the results don't take ten years to see, either. Even in just the week or so that I've been focusing (truly focusing) on rebuilding the emotional, I have seen healing. And I have also been able to share some physical affection beyond touching hands. But that hasn't been the focus, which has made it all the more sweet. Because it has flowed naturally, rather than feeling forced.<br />
<br />
If you're not happy with where your relationship is, please take it to the Lord. He will help you to know where to go next. He may not let you know immediately. It's taken me many months of personal healing, prayer, and recovery to get to this point. But rest assured, God loves you, He is keenly interested in you, your spouse, and your marriage, and He will help you to heal as you are patient and wait on His time.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-30891314040280902532014-04-26T12:31:00.000-06:002014-04-26T23:43:03.795-06:00Video Game Addiction<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCz1IBVJXxKedoaMgPcZXuW2puehMp9mLPgIfln9OdlwmOxqqdw9LxE3fst-UHHIX02XhciyUNOCizDtHy_pDIK5pwjkQXeq8sTxieAgb6ERs5YzcWprwdnQVl_zHcOydOn_7lndetrbg/s1600/Addicted-to-video-games.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCz1IBVJXxKedoaMgPcZXuW2puehMp9mLPgIfln9OdlwmOxqqdw9LxE3fst-UHHIX02XhciyUNOCizDtHy_pDIK5pwjkQXeq8sTxieAgb6ERs5YzcWprwdnQVl_zHcOydOn_7lndetrbg/s1600/Addicted-to-video-games.jpg" height="245" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Hello everyone. To the small handful of people who read this blog, I'm back. Many things have happened over the past year, which are worthy of discussion. But I feel inspired in a different direction. I feel to address one of the largest problems that has plagued not only my marriage, but also my personal life. I wish to speak on the topic of video game addiction.<br />
<br />
I got into computer games at a very young age. To give you some hint as to how far back that goes, these were the days of the Atari 2600 and arcade games at the convenience store and bowling alley. I continued playing from there all the way to the MMORPG age. A full discussion of my computer game history would take several posts on its own. Suffice it to say that I was involved for a long time.<br />
<br />
Why did I play them? Three main reasons.<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>They were something that I was very good at.</li>
<li>They were something that I had control over.</li>
<li>They were an escape for me.</li>
</ol>
<div>
While all of these are good in moderation, they are very damaging in excess. And I was playing in excess. I was addicted. What began as a way to cope from painful feelings turned into something destructive. My wife and children didn't get very much of my time. I tried giving them up on one or two occasions, with some success, but always ended up coming back.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And then I was able to quit.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Through the Lord's grace and mercy, I gave them up completely on March 30, 2012. I've been clean ever since.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
There have been many changes since then in my life. Some of them good and some of them difficult. But I know that I have made the right decision. As I could not play them in moderation, I needed to stop completely.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I recently learned how close I came to losing my marriage and family over video games. The people that are most dear to me, nearly lost to me due to imaginary worlds and characters.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As I have moved forward in my recovery, I have felt the Spirit whispering to me that others could benefit from my story. From my recovery from addiction. Video game addiction is a very prevalent problem in today's society.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And who better to raise the voice of warning than one who has been caught in its coils?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If you feel the Spirit's whisperings as you read this, I beg you to consider what video games may be doing to your life, your loved ones, and your ability to help in the Lord's work. Ask yourself honestly if the things that matter most to you are at risk. Is it really a price that you want to pay?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Yes, it is a difficult addiction to overcome. But all things can be done in the strength of the Lord.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I will post more on this at a later time. But for now, I leave you with a scripture.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>"O be wise; what can I say more?" Jacob 6:12</i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-38747913187413473702013-04-14T16:04:00.000-06:002013-04-14T16:05:06.169-06:00Acting Like a Married Man<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRTj-YoFpIwG-wuxJmtqY8tMTmp1HfWMW4FegjYNH-s3kbHeU-v170LgAOpfoP2lyOc8u6zwk4E-3yF-ZBb7VycSXp7QFTN6opK5WvUjA6W9KXMnhxTgjWZ2-GkH8CYSMuNuCtJV_z8Ts/s1600/Singlevsmarried.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRTj-YoFpIwG-wuxJmtqY8tMTmp1HfWMW4FegjYNH-s3kbHeU-v170LgAOpfoP2lyOc8u6zwk4E-3yF-ZBb7VycSXp7QFTN6opK5WvUjA6W9KXMnhxTgjWZ2-GkH8CYSMuNuCtJV_z8Ts/s200/Singlevsmarried.jpeg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image credit - <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/stock-image-danger-sign-married-wedding-image17001161" target="_blank">www.dreamstime.com</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I had an interesting revelation the other day. I was pondering the way I was living, the things I was doing in my spare time, and some of my thought processes. I realized that I have been living like a single man. Strange that it should take me eleven years to figure that out.<br />
<br />
I also realized that this way of living is not the most conducive to a happy and fulfilling family life. Surely this way of thinking is not pleasing to the Lord, and it is certainly not attractive to my wife, nor a good example for my children.<br />
<br />
If I am honest with myself, this is not really news to me. Deep down inside, I knew that I haven't fully been living as I should. I am not a single man anymore, and it is time I stop acting like it. It is time for me to live like a married man.<br />
<br />
I also had the thought that if I start living as a married man, perhaps I will be treated as a married man. But even if not, I will still feel better, because I will not have the guilt and shame that I carry as a result of not living as I know I should. The Lord will approve of my efforts to change and improve, regardless of how or if others respond.<br />
<br />
It's time for me to live as a married man.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-66815675874566820032013-02-18T17:56:00.001-07:002013-02-18T17:56:28.392-07:00At the Crossroads<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9CoHMDbIrO0fTupIqEmZT5ozNgs16meyQu410nPM8b3LjdPEUyVMdf61g6FUjr85o58URSBCM1HOdw46p71jDGuxgoVntov5RdS6TxAiyKQJSAPSpA8oNcH5K7hx8oxbDZTX7cLzQjHE/s1600/Crossroads.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9CoHMDbIrO0fTupIqEmZT5ozNgs16meyQu410nPM8b3LjdPEUyVMdf61g6FUjr85o58URSBCM1HOdw46p71jDGuxgoVntov5RdS6TxAiyKQJSAPSpA8oNcH5K7hx8oxbDZTX7cLzQjHE/s200/Crossroads.jpg" width="141" /></a></div>
<br />
I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life. It's been awhile since I reached one. There are three paths available to me.<br />
<br />
One path leads to the realization of all of my hopes and dreams, both for myself and for my marriage.<br />
<br />
One path leads onward the same way I have been going, which is a lonely place of mostly solitary travel.<br />
<br />
One path leads backward to some of the things that I have left behind, which still whisper to me and beckon for me to return to them.<br />
<br />
From where I stand, the paths look identical. It will take some travel on each one before I can see the destination. And once I am far enough to see the destination, the crossroads will be past my reach.<br />
<br />
Deep down in my heart, I know the things that I need to do. They are simple to understand (although that does not necessarily make them easy). I pray that I may follow the promptings of the Spirit, so that I may choose the correct path, the one that will lead me to the things which God desires for me.<br />
<br />
<br />
Image credit: <a href="http://www.dreamstime.com/">http://www.dreamstime.com/</a>Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-21926149397245693132013-02-07T20:19:00.002-07:002013-02-07T20:19:53.050-07:00Correcting in Anger...or Love?How many of you struggle with a critical inner voice? You know the kind I mean. The one that is constantly telling you that you suck, that you don't deserve good things in your life, that your best efforts will never be good enough.<br />
<br />
I hear that voice often in my life. It points out all of my mistakes, and it puts me through the wringer for them. It saps away my energy, and leaves me an empty husk. More than anything, it gives me cause to harp on myself for almost every mistake I make, big or small.<br />
<br />
Now I am all about improvement and becoming more like our Savior. That is a big part of this life. But I have learned (or at least am trying to learn) that correcting myself in anger doesn't work. It just doesn't!<br />
<br />
How many of you have kids? How well does it go when you correct them in anger? If it's anything like with my kids, it creates hurt feelings and tears. It doesn't work any better when I turn it on myself. I've been ripping myself to shreds for years, and it hasn't worked.<br />
<br />
According to Albert Einstein, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, hoping for a different result. Continuing to rip myself to shreds will bring more of the same result. It's time to try something different. It's time to try love.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnpjwPkCI9RAbAQIldg-2KZdcHWTJQH1JPS_j5r0NiaAPqgAWo483e0-JZPQvkNf_xlCVH92o7AlfUvWNNWu8_9s0S7BkIM9D5ZDAFFYb1G1M1_F03KCwpuwgALjKMbmguIIj4dbynA58/s1600/MendBrokenHeart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnpjwPkCI9RAbAQIldg-2KZdcHWTJQH1JPS_j5r0NiaAPqgAWo483e0-JZPQvkNf_xlCVH92o7AlfUvWNNWu8_9s0S7BkIM9D5ZDAFFYb1G1M1_F03KCwpuwgALjKMbmguIIj4dbynA58/s320/MendBrokenHeart.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I'm learning that my internal self-perception is flawed. At some level, my inner critical voice tells me that I am bad, flawed, terrible, etc. If I can change that perception, that paradigm, I can change my world. But until I do, no one will be able to get through to me, and I will be unable to receive the love that is there for me. It's time to try something else. It's time to view myself as the Lord sees me.<br />
<br />
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em>"He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him. Wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation...He saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price." -2 Nephi 26:24-25</em></blockquote>
</div>
<br />
When the Lord speaks about "all men" and "all ye ends of the earth", He is including me. And He is including you. Even when we feel otherwise. We can love Him, because "He first loved us." (1 John 4:19). This is His promise to you. And to me.<br />
Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-57918556899490695212013-02-04T21:19:00.001-07:002013-02-04T21:20:04.781-07:00A Lesson from PainLast week, I had an opportunity to learn a lesson from pain. I went in on Wednesday to have earwax removed from my ears. I have this done every so often, as it builds up fast enough that I eventually become unable to hear (no comments about "ears to hear" from the peanut gallery, please). I went in, and in the process of removing the wax, I was reminded about my weak eardrums in a most unpleasant way. I had a small rupture in my left eardrum.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW7byUCj-SOvFMOCsMMRJdshEOfolRsNmKJ_WCrlYyaUH8seNpSkaU-glIZ0xKcZ8TNcD4hBDCf7pHSW8ePn_ot9wj26DZ44mxfOEF75HSgLEOGd6aXZyuMyssYUwWVh35JyZFY-8MyHU/s1600/ear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW7byUCj-SOvFMOCsMMRJdshEOfolRsNmKJ_WCrlYyaUH8seNpSkaU-glIZ0xKcZ8TNcD4hBDCf7pHSW8ePn_ot9wj26DZ44mxfOEF75HSgLEOGd6aXZyuMyssYUwWVh35JyZFY-8MyHU/s200/ear.jpg" width="133" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Now it was only a small rupture, but that is neither here nor there when it come to eardrums (perhaps that should be "neither <strong>hear</strong> nor there", but I digress). I had a period of strong dizziness and pain, which mostly passed, and I went back to work. About an hour later, the pain returned. And this is not your standard scraped finger or bruise, or even slamming into a door. This was pain that was a 7 or 8 on my 10 point pain scale.<br />
<br />
As I sat there at my desk, hardly able to even think, and wanting to curl up into the fetal position, I prayed. And my prayer was a most unusual one for me. "Heavenly Father, what would you have me learn from this pain?" As I said, most unusual. My normal prayer in this situation would be, "Heavenly Father, please remove this pain, and as quickly as possible!"<br />
<br />
The Lord did answer my prayer. One of the most important things I learned from this experience was compassion. Compassion for those who suffer. Compassion for my children when they get leg cramps. Compassion for my wife in her struggles. And if I listen very closely to the Spirit, I can even find a little compassion for myself.<br />
<br />
I find this compassion to be a very valuable gift, well worth a couple of hours of intense pain.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-55546620612018708802013-01-21T20:02:00.002-07:002013-01-21T20:02:42.056-07:00Forgiveness, Healing, and Trust<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
So, last month I made a big blunder in my relationship with my wife. Actually, make that <strong>two</strong> big blunders. I'm not talking the "Oops, I stepped on your toes, I'll be more careful next time." No, these were full-sized anthills that I kicked up.</div>
<br />
Although I would rather have the blunders back, the experience taught me a lot about the relationship between forgiveness, healing, and trust.<br />
<br />
Did my wife forgive me? I would say yes, almost immediately. Does that mean that everything immediately went back to the way things were before my blunders? Absolutely not. Does that mean that she didn't forgive me? Of course not. Forgiveness was granted, but trust and healing take time. It doesn't mean that forgiveness isn't there. It just takes time to rebuild things.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW9YsLhfqALjdCjGoxWsUEIzhXJNkM_8VoiDR7CEPsbskWq7wZDrJNLzY8-FYgx2IAEgup_9IaweTekpakrgz73XzgYfP1MapnssMKfwtE41QMrH1S6TY1EueyhdibnYooAwngiPSs3Ks/s1600/Physical+Therapy+Ankle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgW9YsLhfqALjdCjGoxWsUEIzhXJNkM_8VoiDR7CEPsbskWq7wZDrJNLzY8-FYgx2IAEgup_9IaweTekpakrgz73XzgYfP1MapnssMKfwtE41QMrH1S6TY1EueyhdibnYooAwngiPSs3Ks/s1600/Physical+Therapy+Ankle.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Another way to look at it is to compare it to physical therapy. Many years ago, I had the pleasure of a type three ankle sprain (swollen on both sides). It was caused by a very quick collision, which was not on purpose. But the fact that it was not on purpose did not take the pain away, nor did it immediately heal my ankle. I went to physical therapy every week for a month to work through the pain and regain mobility. I was also given exercises to do every night to help with the healing and recovery.<br />
<br />
After working through the pain and the exercises and the struggles, my ankle was stronger than it was before it was injured.<br />
<br />
I think the same can be true for our marriages. Sometimes they can become stronger because of the pain and struggles. Not that we should seek out painful experiences for ourselves (or, heaven forbid, for our spouse). But these type of experiences will inevitably come as part of the experience of living in mortality. As long as they are there, should we not use them to build ourselves and our marriages, to make them stronger than they were before?Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-177350146000436522013-01-19T17:06:00.003-07:002013-01-19T17:10:55.246-07:00Perfection - A Short Thought<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJs3JmVKiFdQ_eIHR8CHNtU8jlurqW237tBuPlpn1xw-HAihU0vXOIwj4uLXnWYLRMwc7SZlfkKLniC6h5capO0FmywP-Pwb87eXG0NkIKa5bTVsC3VxCe4rYT6Lny4qAwIr5ZfCyWVEQ/s1600/Racquetball-racquet-and-ball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJs3JmVKiFdQ_eIHR8CHNtU8jlurqW237tBuPlpn1xw-HAihU0vXOIwj4uLXnWYLRMwc7SZlfkKLniC6h5capO0FmywP-Pwb87eXG0NkIKa5bTVsC3VxCe4rYT6Lny4qAwIr5ZfCyWVEQ/s1600/Racquetball-racquet-and-ball.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Inspiration and truth can be found in the most unusual places. I am an avid racquetball player, and I was surfing some racquetball web sites the other day. On one of them, I came across a "Tip of the Day" from racquetball coach <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/WintertonRacquetballcom/144354382370037" target="_blank">Jim Winterton</a>. His tip for January 15th was very profound:<br />
<em></em><br />
<em></em><br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em>"Perfection-it is a blessing and a curse. If your goal is to be perfect, you will always fail. If your goal is to strive to be perfect, you may succeed! The difference between those two things is forgiveness of an error and keeping your mind in the present, not the past!" -Jim Winterton</em></blockquote>
<em>
</em><br />
<em></em> This is very good advice for racquetball players. And it is also one of the best explanations I have ever heard about how we should strive for perfection.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-70719465253291369142013-01-03T20:33:00.002-07:002013-01-03T20:44:38.323-07:00Do You Want To Be An Awesome Husband?Hopefully that question got your attention. As much as I would like to take credit for the question, I must defer to Paul over at <a href="http://www.the-generous-husband.com/" target="_blank">The Generous Husband.</a> This is a new series he is starting for 2013, and I am very eager to see what he has to say.<br />
<br />
Would you like to be an awesome husband? That is ultimately up to you. It does not depend on your past choices, sins, background, or circumstances. It doesn't even depend upon what your wife thinks of you (although I acknowledge that you, like myself, probably want your wife to think you are awesome). Ultimately, being an awesome husband depends upon our choices, our attitude, and what the Lord thinks.<br />
<br />
Intrigued yet? Head on over to to The Generous Husband blog, and check out the <a href="http://www.the-generous-husband.com/category/2013-awesome-husband-project/" target="_blank">2013 Awesome Husband Project.</a> I want to be an awesome husband this year, and I hope that you do too!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbigKm1097frUzKE_4OR3WS9sqUdfB0SWBRzpzC2LYRaibM-0uxA4PUBNUTa5DJLMBf0HH0-o_q6OzsOYXdE9D4ULMuWo23XSeuuE9qmnoywW5Zs-UYNuA4IQihruSRpplN0fp0pE6rjQ/s1600/Awesome.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbigKm1097frUzKE_4OR3WS9sqUdfB0SWBRzpzC2LYRaibM-0uxA4PUBNUTa5DJLMBf0HH0-o_q6OzsOYXdE9D4ULMuWo23XSeuuE9qmnoywW5Zs-UYNuA4IQihruSRpplN0fp0pE6rjQ/s1600/Awesome.jpg" /></a></div>
Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-30062366386725504072012-12-24T21:43:00.003-07:002012-12-24T21:43:46.255-07:00Merry ChristmasMay the love of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you and your loved ones, during this season, and always.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTIXrzI9SK71mao45MHc_-b-9e-EynYtA_9SuwaYz-KuLFXEe1UnZ0tpaJntZ6STsbDooMxCXvSBWynuXKa7aic22I5IjBjL3pzLvXj_wEBo3ujXIlkCr_xjK_K3TXJQpyEkPzJzKLDDs/s1600/Nativity.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTIXrzI9SK71mao45MHc_-b-9e-EynYtA_9SuwaYz-KuLFXEe1UnZ0tpaJntZ6STsbDooMxCXvSBWynuXKa7aic22I5IjBjL3pzLvXj_wEBo3ujXIlkCr_xjK_K3TXJQpyEkPzJzKLDDs/s1600/Nativity.png" /></a></div>
Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-53566813836631647792012-12-20T18:53:00.002-07:002012-12-20T18:53:45.667-07:00The Power of Truth<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCJfj_HxpT4841o_NeGL0R1MG2tkFF0Nmy_KafDVLhlrTNCd-GhcyaA6B6RrTeJM9ymZuylxPB3MEIiJoEK-3r91fIdXg692Q7QexeoiMbVa-0KalK8aXPrSnB4DYyTkI386dAKI1MpjU/s1600/Truth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCJfj_HxpT4841o_NeGL0R1MG2tkFF0Nmy_KafDVLhlrTNCd-GhcyaA6B6RrTeJM9ymZuylxPB3MEIiJoEK-3r91fIdXg692Q7QexeoiMbVa-0KalK8aXPrSnB4DYyTkI386dAKI1MpjU/s320/Truth.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<em></em><br />
<br />
I am prone to negative self-talk. I do it so often that I'm not even aware of it most of the time. And the things that I say to myself are very painful. But being aware can bring powerful experiences. I had one last night with the power of truth.<br />
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em>"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." -John 8:32</em></blockquote>
</div>
<br />
I was able to reframe one negative thought by first looking at the truth and then turning the thought into a positive statement.<br />
<br />
<strong>Lie</strong>: I am a sucky husband.<br />
<strong>Truth</strong>: I am a good man who is the best husband he can be at this time, and is doing all he can to become a better one through therapy, learning, reading, and change.<br />
<strong>Positive Statement</strong>: I am learning how to be a better husband.<br />
<br />
Before any of you get thrown off by the "Positive Statement", let me say that I have always been very skeptical of the positive affirmation stuff that gets thrown around so heavily these days. But a positive truthful statement has real power to it. Saying the truth and the positive felt like a ray of light shined on me inside. I indeed felt free from the negative voice, and the oppression and gloom it brings. The truth was like a breath of fresh air, even a lungful after holding my breath for a long time. It was like a bright light shining in the darkness, and allowing me to see clearly again, even if only for a few minutes.<br />
<br />
The peace that this experience brought makes me want to try it again, and start weeding through the negative and deceitful thoughts that so often run through my head. Words and thoughts have real power.<br />
<br />
If you also struggle with negative self talk, I encourage you to give it a try. If you truly feel like you struggle (as do I), don't say, "I am a good husband." You won't believe it, and it won't work. Instead, say, "I am learning how to be a better husband." That is true, even if only by virtue of you being here. The very fact that you are reading a blog about personal and marital healing means that you are learning how to do better.<br />
<br />
The closer we come to the truth, the more clearly we will be able to see things as they are.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-18159692478718095862012-12-17T22:30:00.001-07:002012-12-17T22:30:51.272-07:00PrayThe tragic shooting in Connecticut this past week has been on my mind, as I'm sure it has been on many of yours. As I see these and other challenging situations faced by people across the world, it is sometimes hard. I wonder if there is anything I can do to help.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXu9tlCWWX8amS17vzHvajjQijjhoC16W2LI2ImvOU-Tzcbqh5mP4G83X2dYw33UPa7BsXBKFhvILiO_JbhI7jBjF7igXXADLALRwFTiNawNsZryJp3EI0JdbO06dyO4wSy9YTNtrvMTM/s1600/GirlPraying.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXu9tlCWWX8amS17vzHvajjQijjhoC16W2LI2ImvOU-Tzcbqh5mP4G83X2dYw33UPa7BsXBKFhvILiO_JbhI7jBjF7igXXADLALRwFTiNawNsZryJp3EI0JdbO06dyO4wSy9YTNtrvMTM/s200/GirlPraying.png" width="148" /></a></div>
<br />
And there is. There is something all of us can do. It is as simple as kneeling, folding our arms, bowing our heads, and praying to our Heavenly Father. There is great power in prayer. I know that He hears each and every prayer, and He blesses those for whom we pray.<br />
<br />
And prayers need not be only for distant situations or unfamiliar people. Some of those who need our prayers the most live in our own home. And the example we set will be noticed by our children.<br />
<br />
I had a poignant experience with the power of prayer and the way our children follow our example. Just before dinner last night, my son started having stomach pains. It was bad enough that he skipped out of dinner and went to lay down on the couch. As my two daughters came to dinner, my oldest announced that she had been in her room praying for her brother, and that her little sister had been in there with her listening to the prayer. At this point, my son piped up from the couch that he had also said a prayer for himself.<br />
<br />
My heart was filled with deep gratitude and joy for my children. It is a great comfort for me to know that my children know where to turn when they are facing challenges, or when a family member needs extra help. This will be a great blessing to them, all of their lives.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-18855715185901010212012-12-10T20:16:00.000-07:002012-12-10T20:16:37.682-07:00The Miracles of TechnologyWe truly live in an amazing day and age. I recently traded in my old cell phone that I've had for almost three years for a smart phone. It has been a lot of fun to tinker with it and check out the various apps that are available for it.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH6vkaB_VYyvUg1lvsr9A5WzMqpVuZ6SxZAgM0M-CGRFbAm7pXVt-ILgzOjZjU-6Qhj-rLJ39MZJr3LA2spcEbmmIpQeHQjdlvVyndKfQALG2wySB5xzAUjhVdm867sPoxeqHdVLBgJNU/s1600/GospelLibrary.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiH6vkaB_VYyvUg1lvsr9A5WzMqpVuZ6SxZAgM0M-CGRFbAm7pXVt-ILgzOjZjU-6Qhj-rLJ39MZJr3LA2spcEbmmIpQeHQjdlvVyndKfQALG2wySB5xzAUjhVdm867sPoxeqHdVLBgJNU/s200/GospelLibrary.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
One of the first ones that I downloaded was Gospel Library, which was created by the church. After installing the app, I went in to the program and downloaded the scriptures. It took about five minutes total.<br />
<br />
Think about that. Five minutes.<br />
<br />
Five minutes to get the revealed word of God onto a device the size of the palm of my hand. A device that wasn't connected to anything, but received the information through the air!<br />
<br />
Five minutes to get scriptures that took thousands of years to collect in their current form.<br />
<br />
Five minutes to have access to the words of the prophets from all ages and dispensations.<br />
<br />
It helped me to realize and remember what a great blessing it is to live in a time when great advances have been made to both technology and truth. We are the recipients of a precious gift. We have access to God's word in ways that weren't dreamed of, even when I was a child!<br />
<br />
Let us be sure to use these tools wisely. Technology is a powerful tool, but only if it is used correctly. Let us use our increased access to the Word to become more familiar with it.<br />
<br />
It would help all of us to spend a little less time in Angry Birds and a little more time in the scriptures.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-56916992138603786162012-12-09T16:25:00.001-07:002012-12-09T16:25:36.919-07:00And God Said "No"As I have progressed in my healing, I have started actually looking at my own needs and wants, instead of pretending that they don't exist (which doesn't work out too well, by the way). I have prayed and pondered about many of them, and I have asked Heavenly Father for some of them in prayer. I have received many good things, and I am taking better care of myself than I have in years.<br />
<br />
But that doesn't mean I've received everything that I've asked for. Sometimes Heavenly Father has a different answer for me.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTYogWAMttl55DKJenxmG_jnqPiRnwXcb_wH0plr-UF48eq9gqA-cz-lzlBLjoYQSnfPyfJ0Rtj6aFWSLVstU_wUrPQJhLI5ZsvOyrMH089XIEvOV5YPdZrKmsqOJgH4kSsS5tPhx1ujA/s1600/No.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTYogWAMttl55DKJenxmG_jnqPiRnwXcb_wH0plr-UF48eq9gqA-cz-lzlBLjoYQSnfPyfJ0Rtj6aFWSLVstU_wUrPQJhLI5ZsvOyrMH089XIEvOV5YPdZrKmsqOJgH4kSsS5tPhx1ujA/s1600/No.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Sometimes God says "No."<br />
<br />
Are those my favorite prayers? Definitely not. But they are, perhaps, some of the most valuable ones.<br />
<br />
I asked for something particularly difficult a week or so ago, and waited to see the results. Several things happened during the week which made God's answer very clear to me. And the answer was "No."<br />
<br />
Usually, I pull a toddler act at this point. You know the deal, cry, throw yourself on the ground, have a temper tantrum, the usual. And it works about as well for me as it does for the typical toddler.<br />
<br />
I've tried to take a different approach this time. Not for all of the "No" answers, but for this particular one. I have tried to humble myself before God and accept His will, even though it is not what I wanted. I've tried to accept His will in prayer.<br />
<br />
And it has worked out okay.<br />
<br />
In fact, my eyes have been opened in the days since I attempted to pray with humility to accept His will. I've seen several other things that have shown me why His answer to me is a "No" at this time. And I'm okay with it.<br />
<br />
As hard as it may seem to be, sometimes a "No" is the most loving answer for everyone involved.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-50506461825452200442012-12-06T19:13:00.003-07:002012-12-06T19:14:54.529-07:00There Is Beauty All AroundYes, I named this post after the first line of the popular hymn "Love at Home". I know it's a little bit past Thanksgiving, but we should be looking for the beauty around us all year long, not just at the end of November. I've been known to be ungrateful in the past, and I felt to post about some of the many sources of beauty that the Lord has placed all around us.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlgk8oHBbHojX-WcneSamiDqp2i_zj5lNuBZCAGEMuX8fKmrFf8kquxVmdomM0-K_bW5sHd6H_bhyRKameGfsd-8XpUyB2jUUMt8FDfRFAjbGYAjty4S5yVwfTiaRJ0TI1pK4gX_TFHtU/s1600/Sunset+from+Provo+temple.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" nea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlgk8oHBbHojX-WcneSamiDqp2i_zj5lNuBZCAGEMuX8fKmrFf8kquxVmdomM0-K_bW5sHd6H_bhyRKameGfsd-8XpUyB2jUUMt8FDfRFAjbGYAjty4S5yVwfTiaRJ0TI1pK4gX_TFHtU/s400/Sunset+from+Provo+temple.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Let's start with some of the easy ones.<br />
<br />
There is beauty in our Heavenly Father, and His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost. There is beauty in the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is beauty in the atonement, which makes it possible for all of us to return to the presence of God. There is beauty in repentance, which allows us to overcome our mistakes and choose a better way.<br />
<br />
There is beauty in the scriptures. There is beauty in the Holy Bible, both the Old and the New Testament. There is beauty in the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. There is beauty in the Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price. There is beauty in having a living prophet on the earth. There is beauty in the Twelve Apostles, the other General Authorities, and our stake and ward/branch leaders. There is beauty in the Aaronic and Melchezidek Priesthood, authority given to man to do the Lord's work on earth and help provide salvation to His children.<br />
<br />
There is beauty in nature. There is beauty in the grandeur of God's creations. There is beauty in the mountains, the forests, the deserts, the plains. There is beauty in the sun, the moon, the stars, and all of the planets that move in their regular motions. There is beauty when our Creator paints a sunset in the sky each night. There is beauty in the animals and the plants.<br />
<br />
Now let's move on to some of the ones that sometimes feel like blessings, and sometimes feel like something else. There is beauty in our families. There is beauty in our parents, most of whom did their best to raise us as honest, upright people. There is beauty in our spouse, even when we don't always get our way. There is beauty in our children, each one a unique and precious soul learning their way here on the earth.<br />
<br />
There is beauty in good, honest hard work. There is beauty in being employed and providing for your family. There is beauty in coming home content in a job well done. There is beauty in having a roof over your head, no matter how humble it may be. There is beauty in having enough food on the table and clothes on our backs. There is beauty in modern conveniences, washers and driers, microwaves, computers, hot and cold running water, and indoor plumbing.<br />
<br />
But we can go further still. Some blessings are harder to see because they are more hidden. There is beauty in pain, as it helps us to grow. There is beauty in mistakes, which help us learn. There is beauty in loneliness, for it helps us to appreciate friendship better. There is beauty in sorrow, as it can open our heart to even greater joy if we allow it to.<br />
<br />
There is beauty in trials, for He that is faithful will be with us every step of the way. There is beauty in suffering, which helps us to find patience in the Lord's will. There is beauty in delayed blessings, which teach us to trust His timing (no matter how hard that may be). There is beauty in the darkness inside each one of us, for it humbles us and helps us to remember how very much we need Him.<br />
<br />
Look for the beauty all around you, and you will surely find it.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-45423116004418208862012-12-04T23:40:00.000-07:002012-12-04T23:40:47.298-07:00Put On Your Own Mask FirstI assume most of you have travelled on an airline at some point in your lives. At the beginning of every flight, they have a safety briefing. As part of the briefing, the flight attendant demonstrates how the oxygen mask should be used in the event of cabin pressure failing. They also indicate that you should put on your own mask before assisting others.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieHP4AP6IVekluVHBBVKNiu4fmeJ8iGNxQBFMG74EWPrXWEFdl9y9_S3MObO9F3bJkX_c_vyq0v6LVB87WkMp4MQUExnl4rgYT6eNuhMrxUjolqvvT598FL-fYZIMFI_O87RTuCFOEJDY/s1600/safety_oxygen_mask-300x202.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" nea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieHP4AP6IVekluVHBBVKNiu4fmeJ8iGNxQBFMG74EWPrXWEFdl9y9_S3MObO9F3bJkX_c_vyq0v6LVB87WkMp4MQUExnl4rgYT6eNuhMrxUjolqvvT598FL-fYZIMFI_O87RTuCFOEJDY/s1600/safety_oxygen_mask-300x202.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
I remember feeling a bit put out about this when I was a child. Why should I suffer needlessly in the event of an emergency? Shouldn't my parents help me with my mask first? It just didn't seem fair!<br />
<br />
With age comes wisdom (hopefully). I now understand why my parents would need to put their own mask on first. If they failed to do so, they would risk their own safety, and would then be unable to help me or anyone else.<br />
<br />
It is the same way in our own lives and in our marriages. When I am tired and worn out from doing too much for too long with too little help, the last thing I feel like doing is being kind to my wife and children. When I've been burning the candle at both ends, I am less effective at work, as well as less pleasant to be around. When I've stayed up late for one too many nights, I don't particularly feel like going to church, or volunteering for the next service project.<br />
<br />
I could go on, but I think I have made my point sufficiently clear. One of my favorite sayings is, you can't draw water from an empty well. It's also difficult to draw feeling from an empty emotional bank account.<br />
<br />
Also, this energy can't come from outside of you. It is something you need to develop on your own. The parable of the Ten Virgins comes to mind:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em>"Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom. And five of them were wise, and five were foolish. They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps. While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept. And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves." -Matthew 25:1-9</em></blockquote>
Usually, this parable is used to describe spiritual preparedness, but I feel that it applies equally well to emotional energy and self-care. The five wise virgins were not being stingy with their oil. Indeed, the kind of oil can't be shared. How can you share experiences that renew you and fill you up? How can you share the benefits of exercise, good nutrition, and adequate sleep? Each must find this kind of emotional oil for themselves.<br />
<br />
If you are like me, and are running low on oil, I challenge you to make some time now to do something about it. Notice that I said make time, not take time. If you wait for the time to come on your own, you will never do it. You must make time for it. And don't give me the excuse about it being "selfish". As my wife's therapist says, "Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It's smart!"<br />
<br />
I will provide a few suggestions here. Obviously, I don't know you, and I can't tell you what will bring renewal and refreshment for you. But this can hopefully at least get you started thinking:<br />
<ul>
<li>Get into nature. There's something about God's great outdoors that is refreshing to the soul.</li>
<li>Play with a child. Nothing can help refresh your viewpoint like seeing it through a child's eyes. If you don't have your own children, borrow someone else's for an hour or two.</li>
<li>Spend some time on a favorite hobby, or develop a new one.</li>
<li>Listen to inspiring music, or play some if you are musically inclined.</li>
<li>Read</li>
<li>Go to bed early. Really, it can be done!</li>
<li>Have a "no technology" day. I did this for a whole week on a vacation earlier this year, and it was wonderfully freeing!</li>
<li>Get a massage</li>
</ul>
And above all, if you can't think of anything else, pray! Heavenly Father and Jesus are concerned about you, and they want you to take good care of yourself. The other people that you desire to serve will still be there when you get back from taking care of yourself. And there will be more of you to give to them because you have taken good care of yourself. Put your own mask on first, and then help others.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-19043453652401166312012-12-03T21:56:00.002-07:002012-12-03T21:56:49.319-07:00The Christmas SeasonOver the years, I've noticed a disturbing trend. As a culture, we've started to drift away from Christmas in the month of December. Instead of "Merry Christmas", it's "Happy Holidays", "Happy December 25th", or some other politically correct nonsense. One of the most absurb that I can recall is a fellow who invited a group of his friends over for an "Annual Winter Solstice Celebration".<br />
<br />
Listen, I'm all for not offending people. But it's gone too far, and has gotten ridiculous. Christmas begins with Christ! If if were not for our Savior, there wouldn't be a Christmas, nor would there be any reason to celebrate.<br />
<br />
I believe that our country is still composed of a majority of God-fearing Christians. Let's make sure that Christ continues to come first in Christmas.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-80228111741856315652012-11-29T21:38:00.002-07:002012-11-29T21:38:53.597-07:00Can Ye Feel So Now?As I was pondering what to share today, the scriptures in Alma 5 came to mind. The prophet Alma had just resigned his position as chief judge over the land so that he could devote himself completely to the work of the ministry. His first stop on his missionary journey was the capital city of Zarahemla. The people there were in a bit of a rough spot, and were not keeping the commandments of God as they ought to. Alma later describes his personal feelings during this time as ones of "<em>wading through much affliction and sorrow</em>" (<em>Alma 7:5</em>).<br />
<br />
Reviewing the chapter, Alma begins by reminding the people of how their fathers had been blessed by the Lord. He then proceeds to ask them a large number of questions, inviting them to look upon their own hearts and ponder their commitment. One of the questions in particular spoke to my soul as I pondered the current state of my marriage:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em>"And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?" -Alma 5:26</em></blockquote>
How many of us experienced a change of heart when we got married? How many of us felt to sing the song of redeeming love on our wedding day? I would wager that most (if not all) of us felt this way. While I was dating my wife, I felt my heart turn toward her. On our wedding day, I was overwhelmed with joy, love, happiness and the Spirit.<br />
<br />
Now to Alma's question. Can ye feel so now?<br />
<br />
How are the feelings once the honeymoon period inevitably ends? What about when you are tired and grumpy from caring for an infant at all hours of the day and night? What about when work drains the very last drop of energy from your body before you get home? What about when there are disagreements with no easy solution? What about when challenges, trials, and heartaches come knocking at the door?<br />
<br />
Can ye feel so now?<br />
<br />
It is so very easy to get swept up in the day to day of our lives, and forget why we got married to our sweetheart in the first place. I understand. I've been there. It's a hard place to be. Sometimes the song of redeeming love and the change of heart can feel very far away indeed.<br />
<br />
Can ye feel so now? If not, there is a way back.<br />
<br />
As always, the Lord has answers. After Alma asks this important question, he directs us to prepare. He then directs us to the One who can best help us to prepare, even the Lord Jesus Christ:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em>"Behold, he sendeth an invitation unto all men, for the arms of mercy are extended towards them, and he saith: Repent, and I will receive you. Yea, he saith: Come unto me and ye shall partake of the fruit of the tree of life; yea, ye shall eat and drink of the bread and the waters of life freely;" -Alma 5:33-34</em></blockquote>
The Lord is ever ready to come to our assistance. And the way to do so is simple (I say simple, not easy). It is to repent, and return unto Him. It is to go back to the basics.<br />
<br />
Not feeling those loving feelings? Go back to the basics that brought you those feelings in the first place! Love is an action first, and a feeling second. Become a student of your spouse. Get to know them again. Spend time doing enjoyable things together. Pray together. Study your scriptures together. Laugh. Play. Get back to the simple things, and you can enjoy the simple blessings that are promised to the faithful.<br />
<br />
Can ye feel so now? If not, you can feel so again. Begin today. Pick one small thing, and do it. You might be surprised at the results!Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-66234551852205092892012-11-26T20:18:00.001-07:002012-11-26T20:18:42.795-07:00Black Thread, White ThreadI don't like discomfort. Pain is something I try to avoid at all costs. Sometimes I think I would enjoy a life of "vanilla peace". You know, the kind where nothing bad ever seems to happen and things move along smoothly. However, as nice as it sometimes sounds, that sort of life is not really the pattern for growth.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrsoGNeI9EkdUKjHHSrgGMkaY0by8KLJ_AFNvUAeaCk-MM43sRthF-WA5W4iDx4wnC8ZFk_NxTMC-bMjqqUTA5R81u74q4NpO4Y7uJ3Fg1vpX9R4gU6-2t4U1lmrKWhLmgzdcy3H7n4PE/s1600/Thread.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrsoGNeI9EkdUKjHHSrgGMkaY0by8KLJ_AFNvUAeaCk-MM43sRthF-WA5W4iDx4wnC8ZFk_NxTMC-bMjqqUTA5R81u74q4NpO4Y7uJ3Fg1vpX9R4gU6-2t4U1lmrKWhLmgzdcy3H7n4PE/s200/Thread.jpg" tea="true" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
I have slowly been learning to face my pain, rather than run and hide from it. It has been uncomfortable for sure, but it has also been remarkably healing. And I've learned several things.<br />
<br />
First, the pain is not unbearable. The same God who promises that I will not be tempted above that which I can bear also does not allow me to suffer pain beyond what I can bear (although sometimes I wish He didn't trust me so much).<br />
<br />
Second, I've learned that the pain passes. In some ways, it is like a large wave of water in the ocean. The wave will wash over me, and then it passes, and I have some moments of calm before the next wave comes in. In the past, I was afraid that the pain would be overwhelming, and it wouldn't leave me. I'd be stuck in it. But it turns out that is not the case.<br />
<br />
Third, I've learned that there is peace on the other side of the pain. This point was the one that I did not see coming. I figured that working through pain would leave me exhausted (which it indeed does on many occasions). But there is also peace from the Spirit once the pain has passed. In some ways, there is more peace on the other side, because the pain, having been heard and felt, no longer blocks the flow of the Spirit.<br />
<br />
Finally, I've learned that as much as I enjoy the white threads in the tapestry of my life, the black threads are just as valuable in creating the entire picture.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-27452435314756125232012-11-24T21:32:00.001-07:002012-11-24T21:32:37.977-07:00FrameworkThey have been doing construction at my work for the past couple of months. Removing the old cubes and offices to make room for newer ones (I won't say improved, because I liked the old ones better, but I digress).<br />
<br />
We were given plenty of notice when they were about to begin the first set of construction. Still, I was surprised when I came in on a Monday morning to see a wooden wall blocking off the entrance to the section they were working on. I was more surprised when I checked from another side, and found that the entire area had been gutted. I had walked through the area on the previous Friday, and everything was normal, as I remembered it. I was amazed at how quickly they could take everything down.<br />
<br />
Building up the new area took the better part of a month. I have actually moved into the new area temporarily, until they finish my final location. The construction company has subsequently finished the second area, and moved on to the third. I took a quick glance at the third construction area the other day, and saw that it was in the freshly gutted stage. All of the cubicles, offices, and even the carpets are gone. But the area is not entirely bare. There are a handful of thick metal beams going from floor to ceiling, which support the level above. These beams (I don't know the official construction term) form the framework upon which the new offices and cubicles will be built, and are an essential part of the structural integrity of the building.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWfKjNVuRlKhJYOPcgjFdMwRm7YEtq8fRBEX2hZKzEPnwgNdLfRnWBkSTfoQlM-msqpyph8si1q8glQmQl8fl348LaBLl0m_m07sPudrkkR2DtgtOe5248yKFE0DUGCfxvBaEznnv83Vc/s1600/14548592-interior-construction-site-in-downtown-of-jerusalem.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" rea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWfKjNVuRlKhJYOPcgjFdMwRm7YEtq8fRBEX2hZKzEPnwgNdLfRnWBkSTfoQlM-msqpyph8si1q8glQmQl8fl348LaBLl0m_m07sPudrkkR2DtgtOe5248yKFE0DUGCfxvBaEznnv83Vc/s320/14548592-interior-construction-site-in-downtown-of-jerusalem.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
In a <a href="http://ashestotemple.blogspot.com/2012/11/foundation.html" target="_blank">previous post</a>, I talked about the foundation on which marital and personal healing should be built. Today, I want to talk a little bit more about where we go after we get a firm foundation. As always, the Lord has given us direction on this through His holy prophets. I will be taking my comments from the Family Proclamation:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em>"Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." -The Family: A Proclamation to the World</em></blockquote>
If you have not yet read this inspired document, you can read the entire proclamation <a href="http://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
Any of these principles could fill several blog posts. Perhaps I will do a series on them at some point. But for now, I wish to focus on two things:<br />
<br />
<strong>1) These principles are based on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.</strong><br />
<br />
Christ is our foundation. The teachings and principles that He gives to us are the framework. Once we have our foundation, we need a strong and solid framework on which to build the rest of our marriage or personal life. The teachings of the Master provide us with this framework.<br />
<br />
<strong>2) Since these are principles, they are unchanging by their nature.</strong><br />
<br />
One of the great comforts I find in the Gospel is its unchanging nature. Life changes and moves at an ever increasing pace. Philosophies and teachings change almost as often as the weather. Things that were once accepted by the greater community are being challenged, derided, and even sometimes discarded. In the midst of all of this chaos, it is comforting to know that what the Lord has given us is unchanging and eternal. A principle that is true today was true yesterday, and will be true tomorrow. Thus, we can build our framework without fear of it becoming outdated.<br />
<br />
<br />
Although I have focused my comments today on building and healing a marriage, these same principles will also do wonders in personal healing.<br />
<br />
Take a moment or two today and review this list of principles. Pick one that speaks to you, and strive to make it a bigger part of your life. I promise that the Lord will bless you as you do so.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-32151564844743981142012-11-19T21:30:00.002-07:002012-11-19T21:30:42.914-07:00Lord, Is It I?This year has been a year of healing and change for me, as well as one that has been eye-opening in many ways. Earlier in the year, I ended a long-standing relationship with computer games, a relationship which was keeping me in the dark about a great many things. The computer game addiction is worth a whole series of posts, which I will eventually do. But today, I want to focus on what I have seen in the months since I quit playing computer games.<br />
<br />
I have seen a Mark who is not quite as innocent a victim as I have painted myself out to be. It was very easy to point outward to other things as the reasons why there was a lack of closeness in my relationship with my wife. She is tired from taking care of the kids all day. She has had a rough day. The kids are making me feel tired. It's been a long day of work. And on and on and on.<br />
<br />
I played the martyr card early and often. I wasn't blatant and obvious about it, but it permeated the way I interacted with my wife, and to a lesser extent, my kids. I allowed myself to believe that circumstances were beyond my control, and that I would be the super-husband and super-dad, forever working and ever underappreciated. Even though I didn't see a way to change, I would be faithful to my covenants.<br />
<br />
Now there is some truth in those statements, right? Of course I should be faithful to my covenants. There are times in life when I will need to step up and provide a little bit of extra. But the statements are not fully true. And the most dangerous kind of lie is the one that is mixed with a careful portion of the truth.<br />
<br />
As I have become more aware over the past few months, the Spirit has gently indicated that I might want to reconsider some of my views. I have prayed for my eyes and ears to be opened. And I have seen more of the truth, even though some of it has been painful:<br />
<ul>
<li>The truth is that the responsibility for my happiness and closeness is not "out there". It is inside me.</li>
<li>The truth is that while circumstances are sometimes beyond my control, my attitude is always under my control.</li>
<li>The truth is that I can be faithful and pleasant at the same time.</li>
<li>The truth is that much of my own loneliness, and the delay of promised blessings in my relationship, are due to my own choices.</li>
<li>The truth is that my choices have caused great pain, not just to me, but also to the lives of those who I love, foremost among them my beloved wife.</li>
</ul>
There is pain in the truth. And yet there is also power.<br />
<br />
For if these things are external, there is no hope of changing them. I am truly stuck. But if they are the result of my choices, then I have the power to choose differently. There is still time to change my ways. There is time to do the right thing, for the right reasons, with the right attitude. There is a word for this. It is repentance.<br />
<br />
The disciples who were with Jesus in his earthly ministry give us a good example of how to do this. At the Last Supper, Jesus announced that one of His disciples would betray Him. To their credit, the apostles did not nudge each other and whisper, "I'll bet it's old Judas. He's sure been acting strange lately." Instead, they were sorrowful, and asked earnestly, "Lord, is it I?" (Matthew 26:21-22)<br />
<br />
Rather than looking around me at all of the things that are "causing" me to behave a certain way, I want to live with a "Lord, is it I?" attitude. Is there contention in my home? Distance? A lack of promised blessings? What am I contributing to the problem? What is my part? What can I change?<br />
<br />
Lord, is it I?<br />
Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1961845358998092714.post-21191346782473301102012-11-17T16:28:00.001-07:002012-11-17T16:28:33.272-07:00The AtonementToday's quote is compliments of President Packer, from the most recent General Conference:<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<em>"No matter what our transgressions have been, no matter how much our actions may have hurt others, that guilt can all be wiped out. To me, perhaps the most beautiful phrase in all scripture is when the Lord said, 'Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more.'" —Boyd K. Packer, "The Atonement", Liahona and Ensign, November 2012</em></blockquote>
As one who often feels guilt for my past actions and inactions, I am deeply grateful for a loving Savior who made it possible for me to be healed, and also to choose differently in the future.Markhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07472841434518002308noreply@blogger.com0