Monday, October 29, 2012

My Soul Hungered

Today's post is based off of the story of Enos from the Book of Mormon.  Enos had a righteous, loving father who taught him the scriptures and the joy of the saints.  Enos recounts the following experience he had while out on a hunting trip:
And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer and supplication for mine own soul; and all the day long did I cry unto him; yea, and when the night came I did still raise my voice high that it reached the heavens.  Enos 1:4
Enos later spoke to his Lord about his people, the Nephites, and then his enemies, the Lamanites.  But that is not where he began his spiritual quest.  It began with himself, and his own relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  Only after his own guilt had been swept away was he able to reach out to those around him.

So it is in our lives.  I have tried to reach out to others in the Lord's way while carrying an inner emptiness.  And wouldn't you know it, it hasn't worked out particularly well.  It's not that my actions or even my desires are bad.  They are not.  I truly desire to help and bless other people.  But I must first fill my own bucket with water before I can contribute to another's bucket.

Having tried almost every other way, I have come to the conclusion that I must build and strengthen my own personal relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ.  I need to come unto Him first and foremost.  I need to ensure that He is more important to me than anyone else.  Honestly, the thought is a little scary for me.  Even though I know that He knows everything about me, I feel nervous being that vulnerable before Him.  And yet, I also know that I cannot move forward to where I want to be personally or in my marriage without His help.

My soul hungers for a connection with Him.  I yearn to have my inner emptiness filled with His great love.  The following scripture comes to mind:
Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and you shall have peace in me.  D&C 19:23
May the Lord fill me with peace and love.  Not only for my sake, but that I can then pass on these gifts to my loved ones in my family, as well as others to whom the Lord would have me minister.

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