From time to time, I come across a quote that really speaks to me. I found this one a few months ago. As someone who struggles with mistakes I've made in the past, it was a breath of fresh air.
"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending." - Carl Bard
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Reciprocity
In a healthy marriage relationship, both partners are helping to meet the needs of the other. In an unhealthy marriage, both parties fend for themselves. That's where I'm at most of the time. I also feel that while I can sometimes offer help to my wife, there isn't much coming back the other way. Early in the marriage, she couldn't. Now I think she might be able to once in a while, but I have learned to fend for myself. It is a very lonely feeling, and a lonely place to be.
It's the same at work. People come to me for help and advice. But I usually have to do my things without outside help. At least it feels like that sometimes.
But I do get help from others at work. And once in a great while, I received some help from my wife at home. I wish it were more frequent. But ultimately, that is something that I cannot control. I can only do my best, and leave the rest in the Lord's hands.
It's the same at work. People come to me for help and advice. But I usually have to do my things without outside help. At least it feels like that sometimes.
But I do get help from others at work. And once in a great while, I received some help from my wife at home. I wish it were more frequent. But ultimately, that is something that I cannot control. I can only do my best, and leave the rest in the Lord's hands.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Children
I have three small children, ages 8, 6, and 5. I love them dearly. I'm glad they are a part of my life.
And sometimes it feels like they are sucking the life out of my marriage.
Children are natural born consumers. They will consume everything you give to them, and then some, if given the opportunity. Our children are energetic, which makes them higher maintenance than the average. Our youngest child is also very passionate and stubborn, and frequently stirs things up with her older brother and sister. Some days when I get home, there isn't much left in my wife's energy bucket.
Being raised as an only child, it is difficult for me sometimes when the children pick at each other. I tire of the yelling, screaming, and etc. I also don't always bring home a lot of energy from work. But that is a post for another night.
And sometimes it feels like they are sucking the life out of my marriage.
Children are natural born consumers. They will consume everything you give to them, and then some, if given the opportunity. Our children are energetic, which makes them higher maintenance than the average. Our youngest child is also very passionate and stubborn, and frequently stirs things up with her older brother and sister. Some days when I get home, there isn't much left in my wife's energy bucket.
Being raised as an only child, it is difficult for me sometimes when the children pick at each other. I tire of the yelling, screaming, and etc. I also don't always bring home a lot of energy from work. But that is a post for another night.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Sleep
One of the great challenges that has always faced my marriage is sleep...or the lack thereof. My wife is a very light sleeper, and I am a very loud snorer (or so I am told. I don't remember for myself, as I am typically asleep at the time).
But a deeper challenge has been my own commitment to a reasonable bedtime. I have been unable to set a consistent bedtime and arise time, and stick to it. It has been a source of immense frustration to me, as I know I would do better as a husband (and father) if I were sufficiently rested. I don't really want to wait for the kids to go to college before that happens. But then again, that is just an excuse. The sleep issue is with me, not my wife or children.
As I have pondered and read, I have come to wonder if lack of love supplies is causing my self-induced insomnia. As if I am staying up late in an attempt to fill a void in my life. Whatever I am striving to fill, the way I am going about it now is not working. As the saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over hoping for different results.
The Lord is the One who can fill the void inside. I need to be reminded of this frequently. I was not raised in the Christian faith (although my mother did teach me good values and standards). I still forget to call upon the Lord for strength or comfort when needed. This is something I wish to improve on, as He repeatedly tells us to ask, seek, and knock.
I would write more, but I am tired, and I think that a good night's sleep would help more than blogging would.
But a deeper challenge has been my own commitment to a reasonable bedtime. I have been unable to set a consistent bedtime and arise time, and stick to it. It has been a source of immense frustration to me, as I know I would do better as a husband (and father) if I were sufficiently rested. I don't really want to wait for the kids to go to college before that happens. But then again, that is just an excuse. The sleep issue is with me, not my wife or children.
As I have pondered and read, I have come to wonder if lack of love supplies is causing my self-induced insomnia. As if I am staying up late in an attempt to fill a void in my life. Whatever I am striving to fill, the way I am going about it now is not working. As the saying goes, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over hoping for different results.
The Lord is the One who can fill the void inside. I need to be reminded of this frequently. I was not raised in the Christian faith (although my mother did teach me good values and standards). I still forget to call upon the Lord for strength or comfort when needed. This is something I wish to improve on, as He repeatedly tells us to ask, seek, and knock.
I would write more, but I am tired, and I think that a good night's sleep would help more than blogging would.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Past, Present, and Future
In order to get somewhere, we must first know where we are. I intend to post as the Spirit directs. At the moment, I feel that I should post on where I currently am in my personal walk with the Savior, as well as in my marriage. I imagine this will take several days. As much as I might wish for things to be different, I must work with reality. Especially since I once heard it said that if we fight against reality, we only lose 100% of the time.
I have been pondering where I live most of my marriage. I determined that I spend most of it in the past or the future. Neither is a particularly good place for building the marriage. The past is filled with regret for poor choices, unforgiven offenses (both real and imagined), and outdated information. I am not the same person that I was in the past. Neither is my wife. Both of us have grown and changed since we got married. Attempting to work out of the past is futile, as many of the assumptions that live there no longer apply.
The future is an equally bad place to live. I can set things however I wish in the future, without effort or consequence. However, it is like a dream and an illusion. Also, sometimes anxiety and depression kick in, making the future look dark and bleak. This can lead to the self-fulfilling prophecy, and also makes it difficult for me to even want to try. Whether good or ill, the future is not the place to live either.
That leaves the present. This is the only moment that I have any control or influence over. The past is gone, and cannot be recalled. I can hopefully learn from it, but then it needs to be left in peace. The future is a dream, and one that is by no means guaranteed. The Lord reminded us of this in the Bible with a parable:
"The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided?" -Luke 12: 16-20 (KJV)
It is good to set goals for the future, but the present is the only way to reach them.
So to strengthen my marriage, I need to learn from the past, plan for the future, but live in the present. Each day I am given a new opportunity to do the things the Lord would have me do to strengthen my marriage. I can no longer afford to live anywhere other than where I am today.
I have been pondering where I live most of my marriage. I determined that I spend most of it in the past or the future. Neither is a particularly good place for building the marriage. The past is filled with regret for poor choices, unforgiven offenses (both real and imagined), and outdated information. I am not the same person that I was in the past. Neither is my wife. Both of us have grown and changed since we got married. Attempting to work out of the past is futile, as many of the assumptions that live there no longer apply.
The future is an equally bad place to live. I can set things however I wish in the future, without effort or consequence. However, it is like a dream and an illusion. Also, sometimes anxiety and depression kick in, making the future look dark and bleak. This can lead to the self-fulfilling prophecy, and also makes it difficult for me to even want to try. Whether good or ill, the future is not the place to live either.
That leaves the present. This is the only moment that I have any control or influence over. The past is gone, and cannot be recalled. I can hopefully learn from it, but then it needs to be left in peace. The future is a dream, and one that is by no means guaranteed. The Lord reminded us of this in the Bible with a parable:
"The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits? And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods. And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided?" -Luke 12: 16-20 (KJV)
It is good to set goals for the future, but the present is the only way to reach them.
So to strengthen my marriage, I need to learn from the past, plan for the future, but live in the present. Each day I am given a new opportunity to do the things the Lord would have me do to strengthen my marriage. I can no longer afford to live anywhere other than where I am today.
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